Marriage, Divorce, and Wholeness

I’ve always (for as long as i can remember) being pro-divorce.

I love the institution of marriage; I however have the opinion that a broken home with divorced partners and mutual respect might well be much better than a dysfunctional home with hate, emotional/physical abuse and lack of mutual respect.

In Nigeria, divorce and divorcees gets a lot of stigma, with the chief reason being religious and cultural expectations. It is popularly said that divorce is not in line with Christian precepts, and also that it’s a western idea. There’s also the question of “what will people say?” and the popular “I’m staying for the kids” even in grossly cankerous marriages.

I watched a video of Fela and Tara Durotoye some days ago in which they spoke about how they both came from dysfunctional homes (Tara’s mum was married multiple times, and Fela’s parents were separated) and how they are both determined to ensure that their marriage worked.

And then it hit me – despite all the happenings around, and all the upsetting news we hear about marriages day in day out, IT IS PERFECTLY OKAY TO DESIRE WHOLENESS IN MARRIAGE, AND TO WORK AT IT. It is okay to say “I have a beautiful thing (marriage), or I once had a beautiful thing and I’m going to work to make it beautiful once more”. It is okay to (want to) preserve the sanctity of marriage.

This is not to perpetuate the stigma of divorce as oftentimes, divorce is the best option had. Unhealthy/ dysfunctional homes are still terrible for everyone involved, most especially if children are involved. 

I am however saying that if you really love your man/woman, and you’re both willing to fight for your relationship, it’s perfectly okay to desire wholeness.

Sending love, light and wholeness